The Rather Funny and Mostly Acurate Story of the 3D Fish-Etched Crystal Paperweight with Beveled Edges.

(This is the entry I wrote on March 3rd but then stuff happened and it didn't seem appropriate to post. "Game on" as they say.)

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Okay, I'm guessing your not in the mood for a drawn out explanation (with full orchestration and three part harmony) for this blog's recent inertia. Suffice to say we have been busy and Kristin has been putting all of her creative energy into quilting endeavors.

And when I say all of my energy, I am not just switching to the first person singular here people. I mean most mornings I get up, get presentable, teach an in-home quilt class, each lunch, teach another class or write up a new class, watch an episode of Battlestar Galactica or two and ... research a quilt technique until 1am. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Except tonight I'm not sleepy so here we are again.

How've ya been?

And the kids?

That snow in the Northeast is really something isn't it?

Yulp, honey butter is one of the greatest flavor combinations known to man.

So glad you brought up the honey butter because it gives me the opportunity to give you a little insight into our life here in Gabs. Specifically, our evil evil friends. I am going to tell you the story of the 3D Fish-Etched Crystal Paperweight with Beveled Edges that looks a little something like this:

So around Christmas, some of our friends, The Wilsons, hosted a White Elephant Gift Exchange party. The idea was you wrapped up something you wanted to get rid of but thought might have some value to someone. People open the gift then have the option of keeping it or "stealing" someone else's opened gift. Tons o'fun.

Lance and I took 24 boxes of Jello Pudding and "Toilet Paper from the United States of America." Both were big hits. I walked away with a bag of novelty drinking straws and Lance left without his 3D Fish-Etched Crystal Paperweight with Beveled Edges because we left it next to the 3D Jesus-Etched Crystal Paperweight with Beveled Edges that was in the host's bookcase. Think about it. They belong together.

I thought so at least. Several weeks later the hostess discovers the extra item, ignores the appropriateness of the pairing and conspires with a third friend to sneak the fishes back into our house while we are out of the country. Embassy housing security is really brought into question at this point but I digress.

We return, discover it and sneak it into the accomplice’s freezer not realizing that her husband was just on his way to make a iced beverage.

He discovered The 3D Fish-Etched Crystal Paperweight with Beveled Edges and lamely put in my purse. I discovered it, left it in their bathroom, they discovered it and handed it to me in the dark then ran/drove away.

Yes, this is what we do for fun in Botswana. Little jealous aren't ya?

I then left it in the crystal shower soap dish of our very good friends, Thom and Debra, who at the time feeding us a wonderful dinner of pancakes for Fat Tuesday. Thom said it was a Lutheran thing. Pancakes for dinner = nice religion and nice people. So I left them nice "Thank You" gift.

All that was to basically explain that we do not want to have the 3D Fish-Etched Crystal Paperweight with Beveled Edges and are just trying to share it with our dearest friends! But this is to no avail.

(Remember the Honey Butter. It’s a story about Honey Butter. Sort of.)

So last Friday night, the Embassy Marines are hosting a chili cookoff. I didn't have time for chili (teaching like mad and I hadn't gotten the scheduling rhythm yet) so I made corn bread muffins with, you guessed it, honey butter. The ambassador gives out the award for best chili and announces that there is a surprise award to be given for best side dish.

You see what's coming don't you. I .... did not.

So he announces I'm the winner and I go up to say, "Thanks" or whatever and he (remember this is the American Ambassador to Botswana and the entire embassy staff and their families are present) hands me a gift bag that feels mighty heavy.

I look inside and see the 3d Fish-Etched Crystal Paperweight with Beveled Edges. And then I see Thom and Debra, laughing their sneaky asses off.

I think I yelped. There might have been foot stomping though no one dares to confirm this. The next morning Thom posted this on his Facebook page:

"Thom now knows what is needed for the perfect practical joke:
6 marines, 10 pots of chili, and an Ambassador."

Sigh.

We have since set a plan into motion that will soon have the 3D Fish-Etched Crystal Paperweight with Beveled Edges in someone's house other than ours'. That's all I'm saying at this point.

So that is our life in Gabs. Lance researches Africa, I do quilting classes, and forces align to give us tacky home accessories. All is well.